clacks

In another edition of Pub Research we investigate the meaning of the word 'clacks'.

This term is probably an Australian word, and is probably spelt clacks, but there is no consensus as to what it means. Usage of the word clacks includes but is not limited to such phrasings as
- "I've gotta stretch my clacks"
- "My clacks are on fire!"

Usually the word is accompanied by giggling, but in this latest edition of Pub Research we learn that people are laughing because nobody knows exactly what or where the clacks are (if indeed they are even plural!)

One cohort on the other side of the Pub Research table were fairly sure that clacks are a part of the muscular-skeletal system, and are located somewhere on the back of the leg between the hips and the knees. Another group seemed certain that clacks pertain to the reproductive inner myseteries of the ladies bits. No one was sure whether men had clacks, but there were no men in the opportunistic sample.

Several of our more educated sample members reminded us that the Aussie favourite term clacker (meaning rear end orifice, usu. vagina, "up ya clacker!") derives from the zoological term 'cloaca'. A cloaca is a one stop shop for all your excretory expressions. Poos, wees, eggs, babies, this hole has the lot.

The results are ultimately inconclusive. It is likely that the term clacks is a contraction of the term clacker, but it doesn't explain its usage. Even Kath Day-Night talked about stretching her clacks in pilates, and yet nobody, not even wikipedia seems to know where they are.

This is not over.