1986

one -Haley’s comet (the microscopic astrological event that comes round every 91 years) field trip. Literally, a field. Some tents, lots of cowshit. Totally overcast and pouring rain for two days and nights. No way no how we were seeing a comet in that night sky. I remember how my teacher had really bad period pain, to make worse the fact that she was sleeping in a field of poo with three dozen ratty kids. She sent me into the boys tent for midnight giggling and so I ended up bedding down on the unoccupied patches of ground, meaning atop a pile of dry cow manure. MAJOR trauma.
two -Little plastic flies. A boy called Tao had them, and I was so jealous. By the time I had saved enough pocket money to but my own, they were old news.
three -First boyfriend, Gus. A real romantic, he said “will you go with me”, but it wasn’t a question. We never even really had a conversation, and I think we’re actually still together ‘cause I can’t remember ever breaking up.
four -Got a bike for my birthday. It was blue, and it had gears. It was better and newer than Elroy’s bike, which infuriated him. Big bullybrother.
five -Football cards. For some reason this was the year I decided that they mattered. I remember the delicious Scanlen’s bubble gum (delicious for about 70 seconds, then just plain awful), and going to war with Elroy over some seriously unethical card trade maneuvers he pulled concerning the St George Emblem.
six -First cigarette puff. Menthol, in the bushland behind my best-friend-at-the time’s house. We stole the cigarette from her puffing mum, then stole away for the smoking of it. There were too many older brothers around, so I barely got a sniff.
seven -First hint of queerness. I was TOO fascinated by Boy George, his sexuality, his makeup, his audacity.
eight -Learnt to type on a typewriter.
nine -Mum went back to university to get her degree. Little did I know it at the time, but mum and dad nearly divorced due to conflict over whether she should be a working wife, or a proper wife.
ten -Begged and pleaded that the older boys let me play Dungeons & Dragons with them. They eventually relented, and I was invited to the mysterious cloaked place in the neighbour’s basement. Very quickly I became frustrated that one boy, the oldest, had all the power and control over everyone else’s adventure, powers, and infact their whole world. This struck me as completely unfair, and I decided that D&D was not much chop. This was my first political stance.
eleven -New years eve, same older boy neighbour shat in one of the par 5 holes of the nearby golf-course. We had trespassed there through a small hole in the fence in tow after he'd promised us the ultimate new year prank. The kids who watched that fat one drop are still trying to work through their issues.
twelve -The same older boy neighbour somehow found my secret diary, stole it, read it, and then blackmailed me with it. Or maybe just threatened me with it. It had some sinful references to Tao the FlyBoy, and he was dazzled by the opportunity for personal gain. In the end he couldn’t think of anything he could blackmail me for, and I ultimately convinced him that stealing and blackmailing was more of a sin than what I wrote (especially since he was catholic) so he let it go. This guy is probably a team leader these days, frozen on the career ladder due to a Warcraft habit so voracious that it rivals the habit of Junkie Pete.